We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
