so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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