Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
