maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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