I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
