Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
