You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
