Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
