yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
