I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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