her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
