new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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