I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
