It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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