sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
