i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
