Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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