Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
