God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
