Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
