there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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