he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i have two assholes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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