Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
