I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
