Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
