A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
