i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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