Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
