He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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