im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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