dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
