i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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