We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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