so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
