Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
