he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
