soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
