would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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