How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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