all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
