She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
