You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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