i jhust puked up my retainher.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
