If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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