i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
