I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
time to smoke my breakfast
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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