why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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