Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
