I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
