so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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