did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize