Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
