I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize