i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
