please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
