I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize