"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize