After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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