My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
