Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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