Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
