So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
