his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
