booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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