one might say we're banned from that church
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize