is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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